Bellbottom Blog

Scratching A Writing Itch From Time To Time

The Scooter Store!? Really?

The whole matter of aging can at times be a sensitive subject with those of us on the north side of 50.

I can’t complain too much. Everything still works. Just in slow motion.

I watch a lot of late night tv, so I see all the old folks ads.

The step in tubs.

BTW,how exactly do those work? Usually, you fill a tub first with hot water and then get in. With these it looks like you step in first and then fill it up.  If I am old and decrepit enough to warrant buying one of those, how in the hell will I be able to stand up long enough for it to fill up?

The help alert call buttons. Aging cream. Various pharmaceuticals.

But I received an e-mail from the Scooter Store.

What the Hell?  I was outraged. But…what if I could have one just for special situations.

I could be the guy driving through Wal-Mart blissfully unaware of people or racks of clothing.  Scattering shoppers left and right. Backing up down long aisles  knocking over anything in my path.  Everyone afraid to say anything to me.

I think I might have been too hasty when I deleted that e-mail.






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19 thoughts on “The Scooter Store!? Really?

  1. I got a flyer for these not long ago. And a letter to join AARP. I’m in my late 30’s, BTW.

    But I totally want a Hoverround. I want to Hoverround to the edge of the Grand Canyon and yell “Hoverround!” off the edge to hear the echo. Oh! The sweet freedom of never having to walk again!

    Also, people would get out of my way and it would be one sweet ride. I’d put stickers on it. GLITTER stickers. UNICORN glitter stickers. Winner!

  2. Debihen on said:

    I envy the scooter people on Day 3 or more at Walt Disney World. By then I want one. Badly.

    • Why are scooter people at Disney World? Do they get to cut in line? Are there recharging stations? The logistics of this sounds complicated.

      • No special privileges for the most part (I know because I spent 3 days in a wheelchair because of an unexpected bout with cellulitis) on our last trip. The envy kicks in when my feet hurt so bad from all that walking that is required at WDW. That is when I wish I had a scooter.

  3. I keep getting flyers through the letterbox advertising hearing aids, which – if I think about it – really pisses me off. Luckily, I don’t, so it doesn’t.

  4. First of all… I hate it when I get here and people have already cluttered the place up with their comments.

    Secondly, don’t say ‘electronic bric-a-brac.’ Saying a phrase like ‘electronic bric-a-brac’ is exactly why you are getting scooter ads. Say phrases that are more vague, like, ‘electronic stuff.’ Or, if you are slightly more daring, ‘electronic crap.’ Most importantly, and I cannot stress this strongly enough, NOT bric-a-brac.

    Thirdly, if you get a scooter, make sure you park it dead in the middle of the aisle while you are shopping. People find that endearing… so I am told.

  5. Man, I love the phrase “bric-a-brac.” But I also love “shenanigans.” And “for the love of Pete.” And “consarn it.” So I’m either an old person or an old-timey prospector from a Looney Tunes cartoon. It could go either way, really.

  6. I got an AARP invite in my 20’s! I’m never joining them. Idiots.

    I’m going to grow old, reverse-aging on the outside, & grinning & giggling the whole way. Dammit. Oh, & I’m going to learn sign language when I go deaf; I advise you to do the same – if only to understand me. I refuse to use a hearing aid.

    However, the scooter sounds intriguing. Maybe we should plan ‘scooter travels’ together. Terrorizing neighborhoods & stores as a group…hmmm.

  7. I was amazed at how many scooters I saw when I went to Disney World. It was both funny and depressing. Especially the people riding around while consuming a huge turkey leg – who are those people? Anyway – good post. I look forward to the next one!

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